i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
