well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
