Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
