I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
