oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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