If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
