I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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