Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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