sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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