i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
