She's JV to your varsity
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The uberlube is also flammable
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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