Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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