tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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