I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
