so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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