Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
