it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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