if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
