No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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