OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
