watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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