he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
