i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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