Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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