Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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