sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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