I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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