Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
