I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
