I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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