My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
