she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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