Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
