nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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