My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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