Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
