he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
