I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
