a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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