I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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