I hate all girls vehemently.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize