so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Quick, to the slutcave!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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