I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
