at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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