Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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