Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
