As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
