My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
