i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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