I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
