When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
