she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
