We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
