tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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