Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
