I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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