in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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