okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
