Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
