first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
