Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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