Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
