youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
