I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize