a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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