So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
