i permit you to call me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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