my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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