You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
