please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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