things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
