I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
