Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
