Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
