what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
